Thursday, May 14, 2009
I'll rant about my personal turmoil right now. :( I call it personal because I am the only one who seem to be overworked and overly bothered about the Jerry Ella drama.. I dont know why I'm like this either. I'm almost on the brink of exhaustion.. My mind is thinking too much that I'm afraid it will just go BOOM one time. I've been thinking alot lately, more than how much I usually think.. And let me tell you, I'm so stressed out! Especially when I'm thinking about the same thing, over and over and over again.. I cant get rid of the sadness, discomfort, doubt, chaos, rage the Jerry Ella drama brought forth upon my once dreamy and happy world. All just because of it, everything came crashing down before me.. I SOUND SO EMO-ish dont I? But atleast I tell the truth and not trying to pretend I'm all gung-ho about the drama.. Which in every possible and imaginable way I AM NOT. I am not the least bit excited. I am not the least bit enthusiastic like others. But please dont pull the; "Maybe you dont trust CE that much?" sh*t on me. I trust CE with all of my heart. But trust is way more different than BEING SURE. Being Sure about their relationship is one thing, which in all honesty I dont think any one of us are sure of. And TRUST is a different story on it's own, it's about how you trust that they have or can have a relationship we all put our hearts, mind, and soul on the line thinking about how beautiful they look together.
I am happy for Ella.. VERY HAPPY. Just not excited. Can you tell the difference? I bet you cant!:))
I realized that when relaity loomed over me, I learned to understand more.. But it also had the disadvantages that come with it. I have mentioned that we all arent sure about what they are at the moment, what they share and what they think.. Being NOT SURE has a twin, a twin that we all dont want to possess, but in the deepest darkest and gloomiest moment, you meet the dreaded twin... DOUBT.
Yoochun, I love you. ♥ -Allyson Mae {5/14/2009 08:02:00 PM}
